Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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