How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
where are you?
Hypothermia
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
