Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
