I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
