wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
