Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
