One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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