I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
