she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
