I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Boobs speak an international language.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
