you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
