I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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