i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
