i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is Oprah even human
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
