We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Randomize
