i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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