just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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