After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
