Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
