No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
