My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
