if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
