I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
