I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
