She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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