We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
