puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
