you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
