There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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