you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
