I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
