Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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