her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
