Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
