i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
