Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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