haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
