Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
