Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
