I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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