I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
