It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's shark week go big or go home
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
