If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
