She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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