dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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