His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
