Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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