if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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