so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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