Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
