Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
