I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
