where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
