i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
