You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
