this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
