Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize