i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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