i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
