those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
