Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
